A Data-Driven Man Sets out to Find the Perfect Partner, but Emotions Refuse to Be CalculatedA Data-Driven Man Sets out to Find the Perfect Partner, but Emotions Refuse to Be Calculated

So, I met this guy… and **OMG**, he was next-level weird.

Like, *beyond awkward.*

Our first date was at this cute little café, but the moment he started talking, I knew something was **off.** He spoke like he had **swallowed a thesaurus**, using words no normal human being would ever say in real life.

*”Your aesthetic disposition aligns remarkably with my personal inclinations.”*

Uh… what?
t was like I was on a date with **a malfunctioning robot.**

And then… the **notebook** appeared.

Yes. A **notebook.**

He **scribbled down everything I said**—and I mean *everything.*

My favorite color? *Noted.*
What I usually order at Starbucks? *Written down in meticulous detail.*
A random story about my childhood cat? *Underlined twice.*

At first, I thought, *Okay, maybe he’s just really into me?* But then, **he started explaining.**

“You see, I am in the process of perfecting my approach to human relationships. By meticulously recording details, I am optimizing my ability to be the ideal partner.”

Oh.
My.
God.

I had just gone on a date with **a real-life experiment.**
I was about to **bail**—seriously, I was so close to pretending my grandma had just been kidnapped or something—but then… curiosity got the better of me.

I had to ask. “So, uh… are you doing this for, like… science?”

And he **lit up** like I had just discovered his secret superpower.

“Yes! Precisely! I have read 37 books on romantic compatibility and studied the behaviors of 200 couples. This date is part of my personal data collection process.”

I choked on my drink. **I was DATA.**

At that point, I had two choices:
1. Run.
2. See how far this would go.

Obviously, I chose **Option 2.**

So I asked, “What’s the most surprising thing you’ve learned from all this research?”

And this dude **leans in seriously** and says, “That most humans do not appreciate being analyzed.”

Gee. Ya think?

The date ended when he asked if he could **scan my face with an app** to measure my symmetry for future compatibility tests.

Yeah. **Check, please.**

**Weirdest. Date. Ever.**