So, I met this guy… and **OMG**, he was next-level weird.
Like, *beyond awkward.*
Our first date was at this cute little café, but the moment he started talking, I knew something was **off.** He spoke like he had **swallowed a thesaurus**, using words no normal human being would ever say in real life.
*”Your aesthetic disposition aligns remarkably with my personal inclinations.”*
Uh… what?
t was like I was on a date with **a malfunctioning robot.**
And then… the **notebook** appeared.
Yes. A **notebook.**
He **scribbled down everything I said**—and I mean *everything.*
My favorite color? *Noted.*
What I usually order at Starbucks? *Written down in meticulous detail.*
A random story about my childhood cat? *Underlined twice.*
At first, I thought, *Okay, maybe he’s just really into me?* But then, **he started explaining.**
“You see, I am in the process of perfecting my approach to human relationships. By meticulously recording details, I am optimizing my ability to be the ideal partner.”
Oh.
My.
God.
I had just gone on a date with **a real-life experiment.**
I was about to **bail**—seriously, I was so close to pretending my grandma had just been kidnapped or something—but then… curiosity got the better of me.
I had to ask. “So, uh… are you doing this for, like… science?”
And he **lit up** like I had just discovered his secret superpower.
“Yes! Precisely! I have read 37 books on romantic compatibility and studied the behaviors of 200 couples. This date is part of my personal data collection process.”
I choked on my drink. **I was DATA.**
At that point, I had two choices:
1. Run.
2. See how far this would go.
Obviously, I chose **Option 2.**
So I asked, “What’s the most surprising thing you’ve learned from all this research?”
And this dude **leans in seriously** and says, “That most humans do not appreciate being analyzed.”
Gee. Ya think?
The date ended when he asked if he could **scan my face with an app** to measure my symmetry for future compatibility tests.
Yeah. **Check, please.**
**Weirdest. Date. Ever.**