In blended families, it’s normal for parents to have different ideas about raising kids. Colleen’s husband keeps giving money to his 19-year-old daughter, who is pregnant and already has two kids. But Colleen thinks her stepdaughter shouldn’t be spoiled and needs to take responsibility for her choices. This disagreement led to a big problem, and Colleen shared her story with us.
Colleen’s Letter:
When I married my husband, I knew that blending our families wouldn’t be easy. We each had children from previous relationships, and I expected some challenges along the way. But nothing could have prepared me for the ongoing battle over his 19-year-old daughter, Jessica.
Jessica is young, but she already has two kids and is pregnant with a third. My husband has always been a doting father, but since she became a mom, he’s been financially supporting her nonstop. He pays for rent, groceries, utilities, and even things like baby clothes and diapers. Anytime she calls and says she needs something, he rushes to help, no questions asked.
At first, I understood. She’s young, and being a mom isn’t easy, especially at her age. But over time, I started to feel like we weren’t helping her—we were enabling her. Every time she gets into financial trouble, my husband bails her out. She doesn’t have a job, she isn’t in school, and she has no plans for the future. She just expects her dad to take care of everything.
I’ve tried talking to my husband about it. I told him that giving her money all the time isn’t teaching her responsibility. She needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet, especially now that she has kids of her own. But every time I bring it up, he accuses me of not caring about his daughter. He says, “She’s struggling! She needs us!”
I don’t think he realizes that we aren’t just helping—he’s keeping her dependent.
Things came to a head last week when I found out he gave Jessica $2,000 to cover her rent and bills—without even mentioning it to me. That was money we had planned to put toward home repairs. When I confronted him, he got defensive and said, “I’ll always take care of my daughter, no matter what.”
I told him that wasn’t the issue. The issue is that he’s making decisions about our money without even discussing it with me. And more than that, Jessica is never going to learn how to take care of herself if he keeps stepping in every time something goes wrong.
Now, we’re barely speaking. He thinks I’m being cruel, and I think he’s being blind to the problem he’s creating. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be the villain in this situation, but I also don’t want to watch us drain our savings because Jessica refuses to take responsibility for her life.
Am I wrong for feeling this way?