My MIL always complains that she doesn’t see the grandkids enough. Well, maybe she should’ve helped out more. We asked if she could watch them twice a week—for free, of course, as she’s their grandma. But she said she’s “too old for that” and wants to “relax.” Fine. If she doesn’t want to be involved, then she won’t be. She can enjoy her “relaxation” while we spend a fortune on childcare.
Hello everyone, MIL here.
I love my grandkids more than anything. I’ve rocked them to sleep, baked cookies with them, and been there for every birthday. But my DIL asked me to babysit two toddlers, full-time, unpaid. I told her: “I’d love to help when I can, but I can’t commit to that every week.” Now she’s cutting me off completely. I raised my kids with love. I just wish I was allowed to love my grandkids without conditions. Am I really wrong for that?
After posting my side of the story, I got mixed responses. Some people said I was entitled, expecting free labor from an older woman. Others backed me up, saying grandparents should be involved in their grandkids’ lives. But what really got to me was something a stranger commented: “Have you ever asked her why she feels too old?”
That question stuck with me. I had never really considered MIL’s perspective. She had always been this strong, independent woman in my mind. She was in her early sixties, not bedridden. What did she mean by “too old?”
So, I decided to ask.
I called her up, fully expecting another argument. Instead, she sounded surprised but happy that I was reaching out.
“Look,” I started, keeping my voice level. “I just don’t understand why you say you’re too old to babysit. You’re active, you go on trips, you garden. So why not watch your grandkids twice a week?”
She sighed. “Because, sweetheart, watching two toddlers is different from taking a vacation or tending to my tomatoes. My body doesn’t recover like it used to. You don’t see me when I get home after chasing them around—I ache for days.”
I hadn’t considered that. In my frustration, I had assumed she was just making excuses. But hearing her explain it like that made me realize she wasn’t just trying to get out of it. She was struggling in a way I hadn’t noticed.
“I’m sorry,” I found myself saying. “I guess I didn’t think about it that way.”
There was silence on the other end for a moment. “Thank you for saying that. I don’t want to be cut out of their lives. I just can’t do the kind of babysitting you need. But I still want to be there for them.”
And that was when the real conversation started. We worked out a compromise: instead of babysitting, MIL would spend time with the kids in ways that worked for her. She could take them for short outings, have them over for a quiet afternoon, or come over for dinner once a week.
It wasn’t the help I initially wanted, but it was the support we all needed. I was so fixated on what I expected from her that I failed to appreciate the love she already gave in her own way. And the best part? Once we stopped treating each other like adversaries, our relationship actually improved.
So, no—she wasn’t wrong for setting boundaries. And I wasn’t wrong for wanting help. But we were both wrong in how we handled it.
At the end of the day, family isn’t about obligations. It’s about love, respect, and finding ways to support each other that don’t burn anyone out.
If you’ve ever been in a situation like this, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you struggled with family expectations? Let’s talk about it in the comments—maybe we can all learn from each other. And if this story resonated with you, don’t forget to share it with someone who might need to hear it!