Today we address a troubling restaurant encounter that highlights the evolving social contract between diners and servers. When a celebration dinner turned into a public shaming over a tip amount, it raised important questions about modern tipping expectations and appropriate professional conduct.
Here’s Adam’s Story:
I (34M) went out last night to celebrate my promotion at work with my girlfriend Melissa (31F) and my best friend Jake (35M) at this upscale steakhouse downtown. The place has a reputation for excellent service and food, but it’s also quite expensive. Our meal was excellent for the most part — we ordered appetizers, main courses, dessert, and drinks. The bill came to exactly $100 even.
When the waiter brought the check, I handed over my credit card. He was polite enough throughout the meal, though I noticed he seemed a bit short with us when we asked questions about the menu. I didn’t think much of it — maybe he was having a bad day.
After signing the receipt, I left a $10 tip on a $100 bill. I know some people might say that’s low, but I’ve always gone by the 10% rule my father taught me. Plus, the service was just okay — our water glasses remained empty for long stretches, and he forgot to bring the extra sauce I requested for my steak.
As we were getting ready to leave, the waiter picked up the receipt, and his whole demeanor changed. He came back to our table, holding the receipt up.
The waiter glared in disgust, “Ten bucks, you cheapskate? I have children to feed.”
The entire restaurant went quiet. People at nearby tables were staring at us. Melissa squeezed my arm, clearly uncomfortable. Jake was looking down at his phone, pretending not to notice the confrontation.
My face burning with shame, I reclaimed my cash, stating “With that venomous attitude, you deserve zero.”
The waiter’s face turned red. He took out his phone and started filming me, calling me a “horrible person” and saying he was going to put me on social media to show everyone how “rich people treat working class folks.” This was rich, considering I’m not wealthy at all — I just saved up for this special occasion.
By this point, the manager had rushed over. He apologized profusely and asked the waiter to stop filming immediately. The waiter refused, continuing to film while saying I was “exactly what’s wrong with society today.”
Jake stood up and positioned himself between me and the waiter, asking him to back off. The manager finally got the waiter to go to the back, still filming.
The manager offered to comp our meal, but I refused. I paid the $100 but left no tip whatsoever. As we walked out, I could hear the waiter in the back yelling about me to other staff.
When we got home, Melissa said she was mortified by the whole situation and that I should have just left the 10% tip to avoid the scene. Jake thought the waiter was completely out of line but suggested maybe I should have left at least something, given how things are for service workers these days.
My sister, when I told her about it, said I was the jerk for only tipping 10% in the first place. She said 20% is standard now, and not tipping properly is disrespectful. She thinks I should have just apologized and left more money.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong here. I was planning to tip what I thought was fair, and his behavior confirmed I was right to take it back. But the whole thing has me questioning myself now.
So, NISE, am I the bad guy for taking back my tip after being called a cheapskate?
