I (52M) have been married to my wife for 6 years. She has a daughter, Ivy (14F), from her first marriage. I do most of the cooking in our house. I actually enjoy it, but it’s become my responsibility by default.
Recently, Ivy got really into ‘clean eating.’ She’s been watching a lot of videos and following accounts that talk about cutting out fried foods, sugar, certain carbs, etc. She sat us down and listed all the things she refuses to eat now. I tried to be supportive, but honestly, the list was long and kind of restrictive.
Last week, I made fried chicken for dinner. It’s something my wife and I both love, and I figured Ivy could just eat the sides if she didn’t want the chicken. But Ivy got upset and said I wasn’t respecting her.
I told her, ‘Look, if you’re going to cut out half the foods I cook, then maybe you should start making your own meals or go live anywhere else!’ She got angry and stormed off. My wife later told me I shouldn’t have said that because Ivy’s sensitive, and it made her feel excluded.”
“That night, I heard a loud crash in Ivy’s room. I ran in and found her in the middle of a full meltdown. She was crying, saying that it was my fault because I ignored her food rules. She said now she’d have to cook for herself all the time since I wouldn’t ‘care’ about what she eats, and that it wasn’t fair because I’m the main cook in the house, not her mom.
I didn’t know what to say. She was shaking and sobbing, and I felt like I had pushed her into this. At the same time, I can’t cook three different meals every night. I don’t think it’s reasonable.
My wife thinks I should have been more flexible and tried harder to accommodate Ivy, especially since she’s a teenager dealing with body image stuff. But I feel like I’m being set up to fail here.
I’m really torn. I don’t want to dismiss Ivy’s feelings, but I also don’t want to be held responsible for her food choices and body image struggles. I’m not her enemy, I just can’t bend to every new rule she makes up.
So… am I a villain for telling her to cook her own food?”