Family can be complicated and messy, especially when there is money involved. But thoughts of inheritance can have an impact on everyone, even our grandkids. One of our readers reached out and shared how her decision made her regret everything.
This is Dana’s story.
Hello,
My DIL and son had tried for a baby for years and eventually found out that they would probably not be able to have a child of their own. So they adopted little Ben. I was delighted and treated him like he was my own.
But earlier this year, I learned that they were expecting a daughter. My DIL was already 6 months along when they told me because they didn’t want to get my hopes up for something that might not happen. On that day, I decided to remove Ben from my will.
My son asked me why, and I said, “My granddaughter is my blood. She deserves my whole legacy.” I know it sounds wrong, but she was the miracle baby. The one who would continue our bloodline, and I wanted her to have everything she would need to succeed in life.
But a couple of days later, I got a horrible call that made me regret every decision I made. My son and his wife had lost the baby, and due to the tragic event they wouldn’t be able to have any more children. On that call, my son asked me if I was happy now. He felt my desire for a biological child caused this.
I felt like a fool. I had already removed Ben from my will, but it wasn’t because I didn’t love him. I just felt that it would be better that way. But now I regret it, and it’s too late for me to try and fix the situation. My son blames me for what happened.
He is refusing to talk to me or to let me get anywhere near his family because he says I was being selfish and old-fashioned when I removed Ben from my will. I tried talking to him and telling him that I would put Ben back, but he won’t hear it.
He just said that neither he nor his child wants anything from me again. He told me to find someone else to give my inheritance to. My DIL doesn’t feel the same way; she still reaches out and is trying to help me, but so far she’s had no luck.
So what do I do now? How can I fix this?
Regards,
– Dana M.
Thank you for reaching out to us, Dana. We understand how devastating this situation must be so we’ve put together a few tips that might be helpful.
Stop trying to “fix the will,” first repair the emotional wound.
Right now, every time you bring up putting Ben back in the will, your son hears it as damage control, not remorse. He doesn’t care about the paperwork; he cares that you valued “bloodline” over the child he fought years to have. Instead of talking about inheritance, write him a vulnerable letter explaining the “why” behind your mistake, not to justify it, but to show you understand the real hurt. That you made his son feel less legitimate and made him feel like the father he is wasn’t enough for you. Acknowledge that you didn’t just make a financial decision; you broke trust.
Use your DIL as a bridge, but not as a messenger.
Your DIL clearly still sees your intentions and is willing to help, but don’t use her to “pass along updates.” That puts her in an impossible position while she’s grieving her own loss. Instead, ask her what communication method would feel safest for your son right now, a letter, a voice note, or a visit where you don’t speak at all unless he initiates. Let her advise you, not intervene for you. It shows you respect boundaries while still taking responsibility.
Give your son space.
You can’t rush grief, and you certainly can’t rush forgiveness. Your son is grieving a baby, grieving the future he imagined, and grieving the realization that his own mother didn’t see his son as fully his. That’s a layered pain. Give him the time he’s asking for, but maintain a gentle, steady presence. Send small, occasional check-ins that simply say, “I’m here whenever you’re ready. I love you. No expectations.” Keep your focus on validating his feelings rather than defending your intentions. Over time, it’s your consistency and humility, not the inheritance changes, that may eventually open the door for healing.