A bald guy walks into a bar, turns to the noticably short bartender, and says “Hey midget, gimme a beer!”
The bartender gives the man a beer, but tells the man not to refer to him as a midget. A few drinks later, the guy turns to the bartender and again says, “hey midget… gimme another beer!”
The bartender gets upset and warns the man about calling him a midget, but gives him his beer. After the thrid time this happens, the bartender says, “Hey!
I told you to stop calling me a midget! How would you like it if I called you ‘baldy’ if our positions were reversed?”
The guy thinks about it and admits that he wouldn’t mind. The bartender disagrees, and ultimately they agree to switch positions to let the man see how it feels.
The bartender moves to the front of the bar, and the guy moves to the back. The bartender says, “Hey baldy, gimme a beer!”
The guy leans over the bar and says, “Sorry, but we don’t serve midgets here.”
A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, “What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink.” So he mixes the martini.
He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can’t believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.
So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he’s standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, “Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything.”
So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn’t say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini.
After a few minutes the bartender just can’t take it anymore. “You know,” he says to the gorilla, “we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”
And the gorilla says, “At nineteen dollars a drink I’m not surprised.”
A man comes home late one night, drunk. “Where have you been?” asks his wife.
“In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!”
This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar. “Do you have golden chairs?” “Yes.”
“Do you have golden glasses?” “Yes.”
“Do you have golden beer?” “Yes.”
“Do you have a golden urinal?” “Hold on.”
On the other end, she hears “I think we have a line on the guy who pissed in your saxophone.”