On their way home, after celebrating their 25th anniversary, the wife thanks her husband for a wonderful evening.
“Oh, it’s not over yet.” He said.
Once home, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation, and inside are two small tablets.
She asked, “But what are these two little pills?”
“Aspirin.” The man replied.
“But, I don’t have a headache.” She said.
“There you go, I told you the evening wasn’t over yet!” he snidely said.
On their anniversary night,
Theodore and his wife, Sophia, sat down in the den with her favourite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself.
“How romantic!” Sophia thought.
Two-and-a-half hours later, Sophia was still waiting for dinner to be served.
She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess. Theodore, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway.
“Almost ready!” he vowed. “Sorry it took me so long, I had to refill the pepper shaker.”
“Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?”
“More than an hour, I reckon. Wasn`t easy stuffin` it through those dumb little holes.”
An absent-minded husband thought
he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife’s birthday and their anniversary.
He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, Your loving husband.
His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until next year, on their anniversary, when he came home, kissed his wife and said off-handedly,
“Nice flowers, honey. Where’d you get them?”
Jay walked into a bar one evening, sat down, and said, “Barman, give me 1 bottle of beer, and give everybody here 2 bottles. As I am drinking, let them be drinking.”
The barman obeyed. Everybody hailed Jay.
As they were all drinking, Jay said, “Barman, give me 1 bowl of chicken soup, and give everybody here 2 bowls of chicken soup each, as I am eating, let them be eating.”
The barman obeyed. Everybody praised Jay.
Minutes later, Jay said, “Barman, bring me my bill, and bring everybody their bill, as I am paying, let them be paying.”
Ralph is driving home one evening, when he suddenly realizes that it’s his daughter’s birthday and he hasn’t bought her a present.
He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, “How much is that Barbie in the window?”
In a condescending manner, she says, “Which Barbie?” She continues, “We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.”
Ralph asks, “Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?”
“That’s obvious,” the saleslady says. “Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”
Two monks were returning to the monastery in the evening.
It had rained and there were puddles of water on the roadsides. At one place a beautiful young woman was standing unable to walk across because of a deep puddle of water.
The elder of the two monks went up to her and lifted her in his arms, carried her over the puddle and left her on the other side of the road. Afterwards, he continued on his way to the monastery.
The younger monk was both confused and slightly upset by the elder monk’s actions.
Later in the evening the younger monk came to the elder monk and testily said, “Sir, as monks, isn’t it true that we cannot touch women?”
The elder monk answered, “Yes, brother.”
The younger monk then responded, “But then, sir, how is it that you lifted that women on the roadside?”
The elder monk smiled at him and said, “Brother, I left her on the other side of the road, but you are still carrying her.”